Friday, January 25, 2013

Zero Dog Thirty

I'm spoiled for choice at Westgate's Carlton cinema this weekend. What with Spielberg's 'Lincoln' and Kathryn Bigelow's 'Zero Dark Thirty' I might have to make an exception and go to the movies twice in one week!

My small friend, pictured opposite, would happily come to the movies too but she has a habit of trying to eat any popcorn I might have. In the photo, she's attempting to negotiate an exchange for one of the sausages I'm eating from the tray on my knee.

Being a local councillor, one frequently has to deal with a case load of unusual enquiries and the next photograph was sent-in, earlier in the week, by a concerned Westgate resident, who writes:

"Please can you advise me to weather the fields around my home in Westgate are growing GM penises  I am aware you walked around your ward last week and wondered if anyone spoke to you about seeing 6ft penis in the fields? As I'm not sure if my eyesight is playing up in these snowy cold winter months. Please find attachment photo."

Mystery Object
I replied...:

"Dear Mrs "N"

Thank you for your letter.

I am aware, that Westgate has experienced a sudden explosion in these phallic objects, dispersed around the town since the snowfall last weekend. On checking with Council officers, none of these new erections are in receipt of planning permission and neither are they linked to any event or celebration for the town that I am aware of.

Once I have have determined which of our Cabinet Members has a portfolio or political responsibility for this sudden appearance of 'members', I will be drawing the offending items to his or her, urgent attention at the earliest opportunity. This may reflect a new commitment to diversity on the part of the ruling Labour group that I am unaware of.

Until such a time as a properly trained council enforcement officer is able to investigate these objects more closely, I strongly recommend you remain in the house with your curtains drawn on both public decency and health and safety grounds."

3 comments:

Gypsy Jack said...

There is a rumour that it is Peter turning his hand at Naked in Thanet sculpture.

Anonymous said...

Simon,

You refer to a properly trained enforcement officer. Does that mean that we are at last likely to get one. That would be amazing. Not sure Iris will want that though.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure at least one of our local councilors will get to the bottom of that erection and handle it.